Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
