I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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