So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
