Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
