when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
