i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I smell stomach acid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
