it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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