Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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