Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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