I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
