He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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