I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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