do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
