I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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