I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
