my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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