apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish my penis had a tongue
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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