You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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