so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
