I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
