so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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