we have officially lost it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
