She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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