I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
