If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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