i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
