this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
