I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
