I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
