yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
