The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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