Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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