Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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