New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
