Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
