foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
