just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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