i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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