I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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