I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
