blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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