No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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