one two three fourrrrnication!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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