Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
