And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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