dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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