What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
