Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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