We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
