I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
