OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
